When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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