last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
