Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
