i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
