I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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