when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I will die if light touches me.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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