I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
