there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
