Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
