Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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