I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
