i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It's official drugs can't kill me
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
