You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I deserve this hangover.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
