God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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