I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
