u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
