At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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