Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Mom said you looked used
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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