I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I will pee on everything he values.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
