I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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