dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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