I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
