i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
