His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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