So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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