K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
