Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
