Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
