I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
