Sponge bath it is.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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