fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
you made out with another girl for some wings
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
