So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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