So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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