I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
