I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
