forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
