theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
