Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
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I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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