I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Two words: blizzard sex
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize