One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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