I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
