This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
