and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
