you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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