I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
