There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
