dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
