he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
