I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize