she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
so much tequila, so little girl.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
