We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
