I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
