anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The ass gains better be worth it
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