I think I won the penis lottery.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
