ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
