he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
