Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
