Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2