id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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