Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off