I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day