I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
