it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
