If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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