is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
