I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
