Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
